i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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