When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MIDGETS
????
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
