I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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