I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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