We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
