Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
