i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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