: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
