So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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