She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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