new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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