very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
