I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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