she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even my vagina gasped.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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