I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
