I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
