I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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