I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
