I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
