I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
