Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
