I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize