Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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