and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
