i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
