my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
