Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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