so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
