Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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