i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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