You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
