hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
