Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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