It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
