Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
