A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
