my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
