First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
