i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
