I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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