I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she told me i tasted like america
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
