dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
