I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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