just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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