He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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