it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
