When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
