Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
