If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
