12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
