living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
