she looked like the before picture.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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