She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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