I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
