those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
