Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
