Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know her cup size but not her name....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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