he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize