Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
