Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i will never coherently bang her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
