this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
