he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
