Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize