Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize