Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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