Welp...herpes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
