I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
