did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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