Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize