We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
