a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
