My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I smell like Dick and happiness
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
